Less Precious

Something I have been reflecting and working on lately is how I hold things to be precious in my life. I have a nearly photographic memory, and I spend a good bit of my life cataloging information. My grandmother once called me a "human encyclopedia." Beyond actual facts and school smarts, I remember so many conversations and details about people. More often than not, I can recall key details about specific dates in my life.

In some ways, I am obsessed with not forgetting things. I write almost everything down, and I have hundreds of photos and videos on multiple devices. I tend to be bad at getting rid of old toys and clothes because I remember exactly who gave them to me and what memories are associated with them.

I take life pretty seriously - ask any of my friends - I do not really have a concept of "fun." However, I deeply enjoy so much of my life that I do not feel the need for "fun," especially in the conventional sense of a 21-year-old.

However, I also hold so many things so close to my heart, I am often weighed down by the pressure of my own memories. A bad day can haunt me for weeks, and a critical remark from someone I love takes a toll. I have been trying to be less precious with these events in my life. It is less about letting things go, and more about choosing to enjoy the moment for what it is and then let it pass.

And so, I inadvertently ended up at a college party on a Friday night. To be fair, I originally went to see my friends play in a band. I expected it to be a casual event and was shocked to find a mass of people screaming the lyrics to indie music. I took my place on the side, and I even managed to get a spot on a couch at one point. When the neighborhood noise laws shut down the party at 10pm, I walked back to campus with a few friends. They left to continue celebrating, and I went to bed at 11pm.

My former self might have considered the night a colossal waste of time. I enjoyed the music, yes, but it really was not my scene. I saw people I definitely did not want to see, and I was stressed about the safety of everyone around me.

But, I also had so much fun with my friends, and I felt safe because they stuck by my side the whole time. I loved listening to the live music. I had an excuse to wear a cute outfit, and I made it home to get a good night's sleep.

It was not a lifechanging night, but it did not have to be. I was my same, serious self throughout the night, and the next morning, I made myself tea and moved on. It is definitely so hard for me - I had to still process it a little through this post, but it is all a work in progress.

Here's to good friends and to not-so-precious memories!