A Little Life

          

I just finished reading A Little Life by Hanya Yanagihara. The book is a whopping 814 pages, and I had been stalling reading it for a while, simply because I often do not have the time to read that much. When I realized I only have a week of summer left, I cracked down and read nearly 600 pages in less than 24 hours, finishing the book on Saturday morning.

Yanagihara writes for The New York Times Style Magazine, and published A Little Life in 2015. This work of fiction relays the story of four college friends as they navigate their lives, beginning in their late 20s and continuing as the book goes on. All are struggling to maintain careers in New York City. Of the four men, all gravitate toward Jude, who becomes the central character of the story.

For the first 200 pages or so, A Little Life reads like a vignette novel. Yanagihara's descriptive writing does not overpower the bittersweet, yet very real, beginnings of the story. I liked the beginning of the book, but I could not really see how it could continue for another 600 pages. 

Slowly, clues reveal that Jude, the central character, has serious ailments that he attempts to hide from his friends and the surrounding world. The book spirals into a non-linear mapping of how Jude has survived extensive physical and sexual abuse, and continues to suffer from depression, self-harm, and suicidal ideation. The book became increasingly gruesome and upsetting, as it pains me to think of people suffering so much in their lifetime. 

As such, this book deserves a massive trigger warning for its graphic nature and relentless depiction of various stages of surviving abuse. Usually, I find books to be emotional, but I am more of a thinker than a feeler, so I do not struggle to remove myself from the characters. I cried multiple times while reading this book. In light of the recent uncovering of continued sexual abuse in the Catholic Church, I found myself haunted by this fictional story, which was made real by this week's news. 

Yanagihara artfully locks the narrative into an ever-present time. Though the book is set in New York City, there are no time markers for the reader - no mention of 9/11 or politics or world events. The characters use cellphones and email each other, but other than that, there is no way to place the book on a timeline. This furthers the intensity of the cycle of abuse, because this story could have taken place twenty years ago or five years ago or yesterday. 

Still, Yanagihara does not offer blame or judgement in the book. Though religious figures become abusers, she chooses not to make the book condemn organized religion. Similarly, the male-on-male abuse could lead to a condemnation of gay relationships, but she chooses to avoid that as well. In fact, religion and sexuality are almost completely avoided in the narrative. 

What instead results is a story of enduring friendship, of survival, and of love. Though abuse decimated Jude and his will to live, he finds friends who love him into being again. And even though there will never be an erasure of the suffering of survivors of abuse, their lives are valuable and beautiful. 

A Little Life will haunt me for a long time, but it reminded me how blessed I am to be loved by so many and to be free and safe to express myself. After I finished the book, I immediately called my long distance best friend to unpack our feelings about the story, and in doing so, I realized how painfully beautiful this life can be. I am so privileged to live the life I am living, and I hope that I can be someone who loves others through their suffering.