On resolutions, bucket lists, and a new year
I love reflection, and therefore, I often find myself in the business of making resolutions - whether or not it is a new year.
Last year, I promised myself I would make a commitment to being brave and to being vulnerable. When I made that resolution, I envisioned standing in the front row at an audition, showing emotion on stage, and spending time with the people I love. I did none of those things this year - there were no auditions, no performances, no gatherings.
Instead, I had to practice bravery and vulnerability in new and very challenging ways. I learned how fragile and precious and so very short life is. This taught me, again and again, how important it is to tell the people you love that you love them.
I've always loved learning how to communicate better. So much of my study of dance and language is about how to better share what I am thinking with other people. This year, communication became my lifeline. I have never been so grateful for Facetime and Zoom (as much as they can drain my energy). It is such a gift to be able to see my friends' faces and talk to them, despite the physical separation and distance.
After graduating mid-pandemic, I abandoned my notions about what post graduate life would look like, which was no small feat for me. I'm a planner, and I had my life scheduled out through the end of 2020. Quarantine left me with no choice but to be brave and let my expectations go. In turn, this led me to becoming a certified yoga teacher, working with Colorado Ballet as an intern, and freelancing as a writer and editor.
After being hired as a Public Relations Intern this summer only to have the festival cancelled for the first time ever, I am so blessed and happy to say I received a job working for Jacob's Pillow Dance Festival as a Marketing Associate. In a very full circle moment, this experience has helped me make sense of all the loss this year. I feel incredibly lucky to have continued to work in the dance field, despite theater closures and show cancellations. I hope that I will be able to see this work to the other side, one with live performance, packed theaters, and morning ballet class again.
Jacob's Pillow sent me a very sweet gift for the new year that included a 2021 planner. Prior to the last six months or so, I have been a paper planner person my whole life. But crossing out all the events I missed in 2020 made me so sad, I stopped using the planner altogether. I recycled that planner this week, and I'm excited to get back to writing my to-do lists down.
I'm not sure how to make a resolution for 2021 (or even if I should). Recently, I have let my artistic practices fall by the wayside, and I want to make time for that part of myself. I have some choreography ideas in the works, I'm submitting my writing, and I'm looking forward to rekindling my inner artist. I took a week off at Thanksgiving and at Christmas, and this time of rest has allowed me to heal enough to create goals for my creative side.
I have written and designed and edited this blog for nearly six years. In so many ways, it has allowed me to process and put words to my experiences from my senior year of high school, through college, and during my wild first year post undergrad (good riddance, 2020). Writing consistently benefitted me in so many ways, and what I learned in website design and coding applies to my new job at Jacob's Pillow. Moreover, I have loved sharing my thoughts with my readers, and I thank you for taking the time to sift through whatever I have offered.
As I move forward to 2021, I am closing this chapter of my life. I want to return to some of my personal practices (picking up my dusty violin again). I'll still be reading and writing and dancing, and I would love to share that with you if you are willing. I've included a subscribe button below to my newsletter (once a month for now).
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