2019, a Celebration

2018 was a tough year, filled with a lot of personal, political, and world tumult. When I reflect on the year, it is hard to capture how difficult it felt in the moment, especially because I grew in so many positive ways throughout those difficult times. Now that 2019 has started, I am letting go of the past, but I wanted to share some of the things I learned last year.

On the first day of my dance theory class, we had to offer our definition of dance. The class satisfies core requirements for the university, so it was a mix of dance majors, dance minors, and non-majors. I came up with a carefully calculated definition of dance, drawing on my experience over the past two decades of my life to craft a perfect definition. I was still working on my own definition when someone in the back, whose identity I still don't know, piped up and said, "Dance is celebration."

At first, I admit I was slightly horrified that somebody could consolidate my entire life's work and pursuit down to a three word sentence. But the sentence stuck in my brain, and I don't even remember what I wrote down as the definition of dance that day. I contemplated this definition of dance for more than four months.

I take dance seriously because it is my art form, my love, and my career path. However, listening to my classmate exclaim that dance is celebration reminded me that I have unnecessarily narrowed the definition of dance. I think of dance in such a one-sided way, and in the process, I can lose sight of the reasons why I came to dance in the first place.

I started to consider dance as celebration, even in my own life. What happens when we go to ballet class barely awake and so sore, thinking of ballet as celebration? What happens when I dance in line while waiting for food, celebrating that I have the resources to eat and sustain my body? What happens when I approach even my most vigorous and frustrating of dance classes as a celebration of what my body can do and what my body is learning to do? What happens when I dance in art galleries and coffee shops and bookstores, to celebrate the joy of just dancing?

Treating dance as a celebration has ended my anxiety over achieving perfection, and replaced my former self-consciousness with a full body gratitude for my ability to dance for my education and for my career. In the process, I realized that I really like myself; in fact, I have a newfound sense of self-love I have never before been able to claim. 

Looking forward to 2019, I took this concept and applied it to my resolutions. I came up with two main goals:

First, I want to go to the beach more. I live three miles from the beach, and I never go. I went once last semester because I was required to for my job as an RA. I ran to the beach last year, and now I have a bike, so those are two methods. I also want to take our campus shuttle and try making a stop at the beach with friends more.

I always feel better after going to the beach, even if it is just a few minutes near the sand and the waves, so I am going to make it a personal mission to go more. My goal is at least once per month.

Second, I want to practice radical self love, specifically with regard to my artmaking. I am very critical of my choreography and writing, often so critical I never make anything. This year, I am focusing on taking photos and videos of myself dancing. I also want to share my dancing and writing with people. For the new year, I started an art Instagram where I will be sharing my dancing, choreography, and writing as I build an online portfolio.

I am really excited for 2019, for dancing, and for celebrating.