Nostalgia
Gratitude Challenge - Week 28 - Your Past
According to Merriam-Webster, nostalgia encompasses both the sadness and pleasure felt by remembering the past and wishing for the experience again. It is easy to fall into the trap of constant reminiscence, blurring the line between nostalgic thoughts and regret.
The hardest part of examining my past involves maintaining an objective mindset. I often look back wistfully, caught up in "how good things were". However, the changes in my life have always been for the better; I just sometimes wish the change did not have to occur in the first place.
When I examine my past, there are three main moments of sadness, but each develops into a greater good.
1. Moving to Colorado
I moved to Colorado from Portland, Oregon, just before my fourth grade year. For the first year, I was lost. I tried writing letters to my old friends, but communication dropped off quickly. The social scene at my new school was full of cliques, and I did not seem to fit in anywhere. My fourth grade self thought life was pretty bleak and lonely.
Then, I met a few of my best friends. I came out of middle school with two good friends, and sometimes that is all you need. My high school experience erased and replaced almost all of my middle school woes. I have a great group of girl and guy friends, and I have been academically and personally challenged in ways that may not have been possible had I remained in Portland.
2. Changing Dance Studios
I have never been one to conform to a certain standard, and my experience as a ballerina has been no different. Blessed with strong muscles and little flexibility, I found myself facing the injustice of the dance world's body image problems at a young age. Increasing environmental negativity caused me to consider giving up dance, the very activity I loved most.
Instead, I found a studio that celebrates all body types, surrounding myself with strong dancers and empowering teachers. Today, I look forward to majoring in dance in college, and I hope to even pursue a career as a professional.
3. Leaving Theatre Behind
Dance has never been my only love. I firmly believe in the power of all the arts, and the power of collaboration. From an early age, I played the violin, sang in choir, and participated in musical theatre. In high school, I had the opportunity to perform lead roles in two shows - Louisa Von Trapp, the second oldest daughter in The Sound of Music and Liza, a bride in Seven Brides for Seven Brothers. As theatre became more competitive, it required more of my time. I went from 3-5 theatre rehearsals to 5-9 dance practices. Physically, mentally, and emotionally, I was exhausted.
I realized I would have to choose when the theatre commitments increased. Ultimately, it came down to the environments. Similar to my experience with different dance studios, I found the theatre environment to be debilitating, rather than uplifting. So, I chose to dance. It supports my love of performing and my love of being healthy, and I love my fellow dancers. They are family to me. Yes, there is competition, but we compete to help each other become better, not to drag each other down.
I sincerely hope that theatre will find its place in my life again. Whether I become a dancer in a company or for musical theatre, I long to be onstage.
The happiest parts of nostalgia involve my three favorite types of moments.
1. Performing
I experience the best feeling in the world when I perform onstage. Everything seems to disappear, and I am free, even if only for a few minutes.
2. Laughing
Laughing is my pretty much favorite activity, probably even more than dancing. Thanks to my friends and family, I can always count on at least one bout of contagious laughter per day, if not more. No words can describe the breathless feeling of overwhelming hilarity.
3. Feeling Connected
I also love to the feeling of being connected with God, another person, an idea, or even a good book. Through these little moments of joy, God works wonders in my life. I look back on moments like these with fondness.
The picture I included in this post is from one of my last musical theatre shows. It embodies everything I just discussed - from change to happiness. That picture joins my three favorite moments together into one; I am performing, laughing, and connected with another person all at the same time. I did not know at the time that I would pursue more dance in the future; I simply was enjoying the moment. Seeing my favorite elements combine is something I can only view in hindsight, one of the greatest gifts of nostalgia.
The hardest part of examining my past involves maintaining an objective mindset. I often look back wistfully, caught up in "how good things were". However, the changes in my life have always been for the better; I just sometimes wish the change did not have to occur in the first place.
When I examine my past, there are three main moments of sadness, but each develops into a greater good.
1. Moving to Colorado
I moved to Colorado from Portland, Oregon, just before my fourth grade year. For the first year, I was lost. I tried writing letters to my old friends, but communication dropped off quickly. The social scene at my new school was full of cliques, and I did not seem to fit in anywhere. My fourth grade self thought life was pretty bleak and lonely.
Then, I met a few of my best friends. I came out of middle school with two good friends, and sometimes that is all you need. My high school experience erased and replaced almost all of my middle school woes. I have a great group of girl and guy friends, and I have been academically and personally challenged in ways that may not have been possible had I remained in Portland.
2. Changing Dance Studios
I have never been one to conform to a certain standard, and my experience as a ballerina has been no different. Blessed with strong muscles and little flexibility, I found myself facing the injustice of the dance world's body image problems at a young age. Increasing environmental negativity caused me to consider giving up dance, the very activity I loved most.
Instead, I found a studio that celebrates all body types, surrounding myself with strong dancers and empowering teachers. Today, I look forward to majoring in dance in college, and I hope to even pursue a career as a professional.
3. Leaving Theatre Behind
Dance has never been my only love. I firmly believe in the power of all the arts, and the power of collaboration. From an early age, I played the violin, sang in choir, and participated in musical theatre. In high school, I had the opportunity to perform lead roles in two shows - Louisa Von Trapp, the second oldest daughter in The Sound of Music and Liza, a bride in Seven Brides for Seven Brothers. As theatre became more competitive, it required more of my time. I went from 3-5 theatre rehearsals to 5-9 dance practices. Physically, mentally, and emotionally, I was exhausted.
I realized I would have to choose when the theatre commitments increased. Ultimately, it came down to the environments. Similar to my experience with different dance studios, I found the theatre environment to be debilitating, rather than uplifting. So, I chose to dance. It supports my love of performing and my love of being healthy, and I love my fellow dancers. They are family to me. Yes, there is competition, but we compete to help each other become better, not to drag each other down.
I sincerely hope that theatre will find its place in my life again. Whether I become a dancer in a company or for musical theatre, I long to be onstage.
The happiest parts of nostalgia involve my three favorite types of moments.
1. Performing
I experience the best feeling in the world when I perform onstage. Everything seems to disappear, and I am free, even if only for a few minutes.
2. Laughing
Laughing is my pretty much favorite activity, probably even more than dancing. Thanks to my friends and family, I can always count on at least one bout of contagious laughter per day, if not more. No words can describe the breathless feeling of overwhelming hilarity.
3. Feeling Connected
I also love to the feeling of being connected with God, another person, an idea, or even a good book. Through these little moments of joy, God works wonders in my life. I look back on moments like these with fondness.
The picture I included in this post is from one of my last musical theatre shows. It embodies everything I just discussed - from change to happiness. That picture joins my three favorite moments together into one; I am performing, laughing, and connected with another person all at the same time. I did not know at the time that I would pursue more dance in the future; I simply was enjoying the moment. Seeing my favorite elements combine is something I can only view in hindsight, one of the greatest gifts of nostalgia.
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